Q: Who are you?
A: Thief is a mysterious character. Little is known of his origins, not even his real name, except that he is most likely of Elvish descent. He is more than a mere brigand, he is skilled in the arts of deception, confusion, and misdirection, and is able to talk himself out of most any situation, using charm, stealth, and guile to become anyone he wishes. Thief’s Den is rumored to lie on the banks of the North Channel, and it is said that that Thief’s dream is to return to his ancestral homeland and serve as one of His Elven Majesty’s Royal LawNinja…
Q: No, really. Who are you?
If you must know…
I am originally from one of the big square states out west, but a southerner by heritage. I spent most of my childhood and my teenage years in the northeast. An unnatural love of history, the news and current events led me, via Model United Nations, to a well-respected Mid-Atlantic college, where I studied International Relations. Now, having less than stellar academic credentials, I find myself in Washington, DC, working on the low end of this city’s vast legal community, hoping to build up enough wasta (Arabic for “connections”) to make it into a good law school and then public service, though not necessarily in that order.
Other things about me:
– I come from a military family, and I know a thing or two about several national security-type things: defense, intelligence, terrorism, criminal/constitutional law, computer security… the really important (and cool) stuff.
– I went to a public elementary school and a private high school. Guess what I thought of each one?
– I speak Spanish fairly well, and I just started learning Arabic.
– I love computers and most anything technological, though I couldn’t program or do math to save my life.
– I read a LOT of books – sometimes three or four at once. I read mostly non-fiction and current event-type books, but I enjoy the works of Orson Scott Card, Ray Bradbury, Brian Jacques, and J.K. Rowling.
– I used to write poetry, but it’s something I haven’t done since high school. My favorite poets are Emily Dickinson, e.e. cummings , and Robert Burns.
– I have really weird taste in music. My WinAmp playlist has been coming up today with the Eagles, Noel Gallagher, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Dave Matthews Band, The Kingston Trio, Moby, Cake, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink Floyd, Good Charlotte, Elbow, Jamiroquai, The Beastie Boys, Simon and Garfunkel, Fatboy Slim, Ben Folds Five, U2, Dire Straits, They Might Be Giants, Dilated Peoples, Jimi Hendrix, Coldplay and Vertical Horizon.
– I don’t envy the rich. I don’t pity the poor. I own a gun. I think the Constitution means exactly what it says. And I think people who whine about the state of the world and don’t vote are the biggest idiots out there.
– I don’t hate anyone because of their race, religion, gender, disability, or political views. I do hate people who think that their view is the only valid one out there and attempt to force it on everyone else, either by law or violence.
Q: Why not just come out and say who you are?
A: If you live in Washington, DC, long enough, or have any interest in politics, you will find that a lot of people confuse ideas and actions with the people who advocate them, something known as the ad hominem fallacy, or more tongue-in-cheek, the reducto ad hitlerum (Hitler supported X, Hitler was a bad man, therefore X is bad too.) Yes, I am a real person, with real political views and opinions, many of which will be fairly obvious. I make no apologies for these views. But I think ideas should rise and fall on their own merits, not those of the person proposing or supporting them. In the rest of the world, feel free to take pot shots at the messenger. But here, either deal with the message itself or go home. Here in the Den, the person is irrelevant. Only ideas and actions matter. (Note that I consider myself bound by these rules too. If I step out of line, let me have it. That’s the advantage of the blogosphere… we all keep each other honest.)
Q: Your e-mail address doesn't work!
A: I hate spam. So I did something to fool those idiots who can only make money off the stupidest .1% of the internet. Just replace the AT in my e-mail address with an "@" sign. And if you know a spammer, beat them senseless for me. And if you are a spammer, please send me your name and snailmail address....it's because you've won a prize. Yeah, that's it. A prize. A really cool prize.
Q: Who are all these little people on your site?
They are the characters of Final Fantasy, originally made for the NES by Square. This was the first video game I seriously played, and for its time, it was the best of the best. The plot is basic: the four elements that govern the world have gone haywire, and it is up to your four “Light Warriors” to find the cause. Within the game itself, Thief is one of your choices. He’s not as strong as the Fighter or Black Belt, and he can’t use magic like the Mages. But he makes up for it by being fast, which allows him to dodge attacks and get your party out of danger. The other inspiration for the use of FF1 is 8-Bit Theater, an incredibly funny web comic by Brian Clevinger, chronicling the journey of the Light Warriors... though I don’t remember this in the game. Or this. Anyway, new strips come out every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Check it out.
Q: Isn’t that stealing?
A: No, it’s called fair use. But if anyone from Square reads this, realize this is a tribute to the best RPG of its time.
Q: Why Thief? Black Mage is so much cooler!
A: A few reasons. One, Black Mage (at least this Black Mage) is simply evil, what with all those “stabbity urges” and such. Thief, however, is much more subtle. He doesn’t need to use violence; he can just talk you out of your most valuable posessions. When you think about it, that’s a pretty good metaphor for being a lawyer. And since I want to go to law school eventually… well, it just seemed to fit.
Q: Why don’t your comment boxes work?
They should now, but please note something important if you want to comment.
Q: Can I cuss if I make a comment?
A: Sure. Most people swear all the time. Even Supreme Court Justices. But don’t go overboard like this guy. There is an art to cursing: If you’re going to use a filthy word, make it mean something.
Q: How did you make this site?
A: Very, very slowly. REALLY slowly. And while learning to master templates and cascading style sheets on the fly. The main page here and the archives are done with Moveable Type, which is a damn good piece of software, it’s free, and it doesn’t eat posts like Blogger. I sketched out the rough layout of the site in Microsoft Front Page, made the banners and link graphics with MSPaint and Adobe Photoshop, and uploaded it all with CuteFTP. And rest assured, as I learn more about blogging, I will make changes!
Q: Something on your site offends me. Take it down now!
A: No. I have the right, as a commentator, but more fundamentally, as an American, to say whatever I want, to hold whatever opinions I see fit, and to express them any way I want to. You, on the other hand, have no right not to be offended. (Note, too, that this site resides on a U.S. Based server, so no foreign “hate speech” laws apply here... just the simple freedom of the 1st Amendment.) But, if you are so offended by something I put on my site, write me a note about it pursuant to the above rules, and if it is substantive, I will post it. I will, however, reserve the right to make my own comments about your comments. The proper response to offensive speech is not suppression of that speech. It is more speech. After all, this country wouldn’t be here if a couple of rogues back in 1776 didn’t “offend” someone…
Q: You made (grammatical error).
A: I don’t care. The people who speak a language every day determine its rules, not a bunch of fat-headed academics in tweed coats. If the people like a new word, or find a certain way of speaking better than what’s in Warriner’s, they’re going to use it.
Q: Can I link to your site?
A: Sure!
Q: Will you link to my site?
A: If you’ve got something to say, and you say it well, welcome aboard!
Q: Am I Hot or Not?
A: If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer.
Anything I missed, give me a shout out.
