(Reuters) -- The United Nations Security Council met this morning to consider a response to the Milky Way Galaxy's agression against its peaceful neighbor, the Sagittarius Galaxy.
French Foreign Minister Dominique De Villepin asserted his country's opposition to and condemnation of the Milky Way's "deceptive ways in their aggression on Sagittarius, which is considered as aggression in intergalactic law and the United Nations Charter." Villepin called for an international effort to halt the Milky Way aggression, for the Milky Way to halt its "collision course with Sagittarius," and for possible economic sanctions against the Milky Way. Villepin also stressed Sagittarius's sovereignty, independence and keeping the neighboring galaxies' secure and stable.
Saudi Foreign Minister Saud Al-Faisal stated that the Milky Way aggression targets the whole region to serve Israeli interests, saying, "After all, are there any Jews in Sagittarius? I don't think so. They obviously wish to construct futher settlements within Sagittarian territory, and it is our firm hope that the opressed peoples of Sagittarius will stand up and defend themselves like their Palestinian brothers."
U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell, when asked about the U.S. position on the Milky Way's aggression, broke out into hysterical giggling.
UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan responded by saying "This is no laughing matter, for the US or anyone. If we do nothing to stop the Milky way aggression, we risk inflaming the 'Sagittarian Street' and provoking terrorist retaliation."
Experts are divided over whether the UN can have any real impact on this situation. University of Virginia astrophysicist Stephen Majewski explained "As I said, it's clear that the Milky Way is the aggressor here. But the Milky Way's move towards annexing Sagittarius is probably unstoppable, the result of gravitational forces that the best scientists in the world barely understand. It's not like a few pieces of paper will stop it."
But MIT Professor Noam Chomsky, well known for his criticism of international aggression, especially by the United States, believed that the UN's disapproval, even if it couldn't stop the Milky Way's aggression, would send a powerful signal, "that no galaxy, no matter how big or powerful, can bully its neighbors. Resistance to hegemony is a universal ontological duty, even on the part of inanimate stellar matter."
Despite repeated requests for a statement sent by radio-telescope, no one from the Sagittarian Foreign Ministry was available for comment.
Posted by Thief at September 25, 2003 12:02 PM