Someone once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time. Apparently that someone was not Al Gore:
From the WaPo, here's what Gore said (plus a few things I assume they meant that didn't make the page...)
NEW ORLEANS -- An investor group headed by former Vice President Al Gore said Tuesday it is launching a cable news network for young adults, buying an existing network with an eye to retooling it with "irreverent and bold" programming.Read: "If by 'irreverent and bold' you mean 'recycled stereotypes...'"
The group is buying the Newsworld International channel from Vivendi Universal Entertainment for an undisclosed sum. The deal with Gore's company, INdTV Holdings, was announced Tuesday during the National Cable and Television Association convention in New Orleans.Read: "We stand here as soldiers in a war against Evil Corporate-Owned Media like News Corp. And just like our forefathers in the Battle of New Orleans, we know our struggle continues."
Newsworld International is a 24-hour channel broadcasting international news produced by the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. that now has about 14 million North American households, according to the Vivendi Web site.Read: "If more American households spoke French and hated their country, I suppose we wouldn't have had this wonderful opportunity. Well, their loss is our gain..."
Gore said the network will be "an independent voice in this industry" with a primary target audience of people between 18 and 34 "who want to learn about the world in a voice they recognize and a view they recognize as their own."Read: "If you thought 'Bushitler' and 'Chimpy McSmirk' were knee-slappers, you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
"This is not going to be a liberal network, a Democratic network or a political network," Gore said at a news conference.Read: "We already have PBS, NPR, and CBS for that. No, we're going to be to cable what Indymedia is to the Internet. And after all, isn't passion in reporting so much more important than facts?"
The programming will continue to be provided by Canadian Broadcasting Corp., officials said.Read: "Where we get our programming isn't important. What is important is bringing our hard-headed journalism to bear on the problems that face America, like Bush and his corporate cronies outsourcing American jobs."
Gore will serve as chairman of the board and said he will devote most of his time to the network. Also announcing the acquisition Tuesday was Joel Hyatt, an entrepreneur and former finance chairman for the Democratic National Committee who ran a failed campaign for the U.S. Senate in Ohio in 1994.Read: (after aide whispers in his ear): "Oh, I'm sorry, I meant we hired Jerry Springer. I mean, they're both from Ohio, they're both losers..."
"Having learned from both the successes and failures of other cable networks, we are confident this is a winning concept," said Hyatt, who will serve as chief executive.Read: "Oh...and Air America was a RADIO network, you dumb fucks. They're completely different things. Go back to Church, you plebeians!"
Hyatt said the programming will include traditional news formats like documentaries. But he used words like "irreverent and bold" to describe the tone of the programming, which he said will include news comedies and other "formats you haven't seen before."Read: "Our preliminary slogan: JUST LIKE CNN - WITHOUT THE CLASS!"
He would give no specifics but added: "Our goal is not to be the 251st cable network that looks like the others."Read: "MSNBC already blazed that trail for us. We're going to be the 252nd, beee-atch!"
Gore said he and Hyatt had met a lot of young, creative people "who need a venue to compete in a meritocracy of ideas."Read: "Because even though we haven't had an original thought since the Great Society, those ideas are still good. They're also good for the environment, because they're recycled, too!"
The former vice president, who was once a newspaper reporter in Tennessee, said he was making a long-term commitment to the network. He said he is enjoying life outside politics and does not foresee running for political office again, although he would not rule it out completely.Read: "Isn't that right, m'lady..."
Gore would not say how much INdTV paid for the network, which is currently carried by DirecTV, Time Warner and in some areas by Comcast.Read: "But I do have to say, [Vivendi Chairman] Jean-Rene [Fortou] was awfully nice about the deal. He even threw in a bag full of shit, gratis. Also, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that we were getting high at the time."
INdTV said its acquisition was financed by equity capital firms and individual investors.
Read: "We kissed George Soros' ass like it was the f*ckin' Blarney Stone."
OK, all together now:
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!
Posted by Thief at May 4, 2004 05:25 PM