Thief's Den

DAMN YOU LINKSYS!!!

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sigh). Alright. Maybe I should explain what's going on here.

I am back in DC after my much needed vacation. Out of Middle America, into the fire.

My boss just got a bunch of wireless networking stuff for Christmas. (So he can work at home and have dinner with his family every night.) However, he knows nothing about computers. Ergo, I have to come over and set it all up.

And I did. Two weeks ago. And it worked.

Except for one little laptop.

And that, how they say, is when the troubles started.

1. I try everything possible to get the laptop (running a Linksys 802.11G wireless card) to work with the wireless router (also made by Linksys). In addition, the much-hyped WPA encryption standard has been, well...non-existant. (Some security, huh.)

2. So I call Linksys technical support, and after trying everything possible to get the wireless card to work, we turn to the router. Except I can't log into the router. (Even though I'm the one who programmed the damn thing the first time around.) So, we decide to reset the router. Router is reset. Now it can't access the Internet, because it required special settings to work with a DSL modem. So I try to set the router back up, and guess what? The DSL modem doesn't work! It won't recognize its password! Which means, no Internet!

3. So now, I get on with the Verizon people, and surprise, they tell me I have to set up the DSL modem into "bridge" mode. Which is news to me. So I follow the settings, and still no Internet, but the guy says "it should work with the router now."

4. So I call up Linksys again. That was 90 minutes ago. Apparently their new products are so popular (read: so shitty) that there's a waiting line over an hour long. And I still don't have any Internet access over that damn DSL line.

So how am I blogging this, you ask?

Turns out that the aforementioned laptop does get wireless Internet.

It's just logging into another wireless network somewhere else in the neighborhood.

Ah, the wonders of technology.

Fucking asshats.

Two Weeks Before Christmas

Two weeks before Christmas, and all through Baghdad,
Not a sign of Saddam, that infamous cad.
His arms caches were hidden all over with care,
In hopes that new rebels soon would be there;

The Baathist diehards were all snug in their beds
While visions of suicide bombs danced in their heads;
And Bremer in his PJ’s, and Gen. Sanchez in his cap,
Had just settled down for a short, fitful nap,

When up in Tikrit, they heard of some chatter,
They called 4th ID to see what was the matter.
Away to HQ the spooks ran in a hurry,
Could it be they’d picked up the trail of Al-Douri?

Now finding Saddam amid all the street fighting
Was like waiting for fish that don’t feel like biting
But that night they found something to make them all merry:
One of Saddam’s errand boys, singing like a canary.

He told them of two farms that were right down the lane,
They knew in a moment it might be Hussein
Gen. Odierno shouted, and his troops they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Infantry! now, SpecOps! now, Intel and MP’s!
On, Apaches! on Blackhawks! on, Bradleys and Humvees!
Grab your gear and mount up, c’mon, move fast!
Get down to those farms and go kick some ass!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So down to some farmhouses the 600 men rode,
With a convoy of whup-ass all set to unload.

The lead Humvee blasted right through the front gate.
But where was Saddam? Was that source just a bait?
Then one keen GI saw a hole plugged up with foam,
And guess what it was? Saddam’s new home!

He was dressed all in rags, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
And what did he say, at the moment of checkmate?
”I’m Iraq’s president! I wanna negotiate!”

His eyes -- how they glazed! His cheeks, how hairy!
His hair was a rat’s nest, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn out in a frown
’Cause he knew he’d been beaten in his own home town.

He was thin, pale, and haggard, a right sorry sight,
And the soldiers all laughed at his pretend might;
They put him in flex-cuffs, and though it seemed weird
The docs checked him for lice, and then shaved his beard.

He spoke not a word, but stared out into space
(It might be he’d just thrown Bush the 2004 race.)
And so that everyone would never more fear Saddam
Bremer called in the press, and just said “We Got Him!”

So Iraqis and GI’s, they all cheered and hollered
And the Prez went on TV announcing Saddam had been collared.
But I heard Bush whisper, as he put down his text,
"Merry Christmas to all…and Osama, YOU’RE NEXT!!!”

Dedicated to the American Soldiers who gave a nation they barely knew the greatest gift of all this year: Freedom.

Christmas Wishes

To my loyal readers:

I have returned home for the holidays (well, my parent's home anyway.) Bad news, it's only a dialup connection here. Good news is, I don't have a job to drive me crazy. So I might actually be able to blog more while I'm here!

A Very Merry Christmas to all! (And Happy Hannukah, too...)

And if you are such a killjoy that you demand the use of the tepid "Happy Holidays" instead of either phrase...well, I hope Santa drops a load of reindeer shit in your stocking.

Thief

Muy Bien!

Yo había encontrado un blog muy interesante: HispaLibertas. (Obviamente, es en español.)

Bienvenidos a mi blogroll. (¡Necesito practicar mi español!)

Señores FrancoAlemán y Golan, Uds. pueden corregir mi español cuando quieran.

Y una cuestión : ¿es la palabra “blog” masculina o femenina?

Oh, P.S. to my English readers. If you don't understand a word I'm saying, don't worry. I will still be blogging in English.

Mostly. ;)

Lord, let this be true...

Balloon Juice found this piece of 100% organic anti-war, pro-Saddam, bull-ploppy goodness:

...former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark was quoted on an Islamic Web site saying he would take the job of defending Saddam.

Please, Lord, let this be true.

Let us imagine. Saddam, brought before a panel of Iraqi judges, in full view of the people he oppressed, and broadcast around the world on live TV in a spectacle not seen since the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials in Germany or the Eichmann trial in Israel.

And Ramsey Clark, his defense attorney, stating, with all certainty, with no shred of doubt, that Saddam Hussein is an innocent man. That those 300,000 people in the mass graves we're finding really were thieves, or worse yet, tools of the United States. That the U.S. committed genocide by sanctions while Saddam worked tirelessly to save his people, (pay no attention to all those palaces!) That the U.S., and not Saddam, started the Iran-Iraq war. That we were wrong to drive Iraq out of Kuwait. That we...well, you get the idea.

Ramsey Clark, the pampered son of a Supreme Court Justice, who sided with Communist thugs over his own country, who has defended dictators, despots, and war criminals of all stripes as long as they hated America as much as he. Ramsey Clark, defending Saddam Hussein, a man who started two foreign wars by a lust for power, and a third by sheer obstinance and deceit, who became the only world leader to ever use chemical weapons on his own people, and who lived in a splendor purchased with human blood. Ramsey Clark, all his bloviating force at the service of a man being called to account before a panel of Iraqis, men know what real suffering is, and who if Clark had his way, would still be suffering or in exile from their homeland.

Just imagine it. All the pathologies of the America-hating, dictator-loving, barking moonbat left, laid bare, for all the world to see.

Hey, Ramsey: Bring it on.

And maybe when you're done, you can turn in your passport, finally renounce your American citizenship (a formality, in your case,) and emigrate "to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty, to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy."

So THAT's where Saddam's been...

Via Freaking News.

Bagged Dad

By now, you've all heard the news.

"We Got Him."

Yesterday was Thief's 24th birthday. I didn't need any presents. I'm set up in DC in a very comfortable life. I have the freedom to speak, to worship as I please, to criticize my government's leaders.

There are many other people in Iraq who celebrated their 24th birthdays this weekend. Saddam took power in 1979. For them, Saddam is the only leader they ever knew. They grew up with his picture in their schoolbooks, and listened to their parents tell them never, ever, ever, to criticize Uncle Saddam.

Iraqis who turned 24 today were infants when Hussein launched his 10-year war against Iran, a war which left many of them fatherless. They were 12 years old during the first Gulf War. As I watched the bombings on CNN with my Cub Scout troop, they hid in fear in basements as Saddam pledged "the mother of all battles."

As I got older, I went to a good high school, and then a great college. But Iraqis who turned 24 today suffered under Saddam's renewed campaign of oppression and torture. Males were taken into military service at age 18, forced to fight for a tyrant they all hated.

Then, this day came. The regieme that oppressed them their whole life is gone. They now have a chance to live the life that I have, and that all Americans have.

To all of you new 24-year old Iraqis:

Happy birthday. I hope you liked the gift!

From Alaa:

The Ululation of Gunfire again; you should all be here now. What fireworks! You should be here. The Baghdadis are expressing what they really think again. Can you hide this now CNN & others? I don’t like swearing, but for those foul friends of the murderers, of all nationalities and kinds, it is like a spike has shot up their asholes to come out of their mouths. Just now the Miserables are beginning to bomb the streets, out of hatred and desperation. They will attack the people. I tell you, there should be no complacency. Unleash the people against them and NOW.

From Ays:

I don’t know what to say.. I am confused.. no … I am very happy.. I am very happy.. .. I am very happy.. .. I am very happy.. .. I am very happy.. .. I am very happy.. .. I am very happy..
This is the end of tyranny.. congratulations .. a great day.. for Iraqi and all the good people.. share us our great day.. I can’t express my feelings.. thanks to the coalition forces and all the honest people who helped in that great operation….thank you thank you thousand times..

From Omar:

Horrraaaaa
It's the justice day.
I'm speechless.
I'm crying.
The tyrants' hour has finally came. I went down to the streets to share the joy with my brothers. This is our day, the day of all the oppressed and good people on earth.
Tears of joy filled the eyes of all the people.
Saddam, the coward, hides in a hole, shaking in fear from being captured.
Not a single bullet was fired, without any resistance, God, he was even cooperative! The mighty tyrant, who exploited all our country's fortune for his personal protection, surrenders like the cowered I expected him to be.
Yes, he should be prosecuted in Iraq. We will not allow anything else.
We want to see him in a cage bending more and more, humiliated more and more, just as he forced all the Iraqis to bend to him, like they were his slaves. But we will not be like him, we will give him a fair trail, and he will get just what he deserves, although I have no idea what does he really deserve.
It's indeed an inauspicious day for all the tyrants. Let them know that their days are near too.
This is the day of all Iraqi martyrs who were slaughtered just to please his sick lust for blood.
Rest in peace my brothers. The paradise is yours and the disgrace and hell is for all the tyrants on earth.
Thank you American, British, Spanish, Italian, Australian, Ukrainian, Japanese and all the coalition people and all the good people on earth.
God bless the 1st brigade.
God bless the 4th infantry division.
God bless Iraq.
God bless America.
God bless the coalition people and soldiers.
God bless all the freedom loving people on earth.
I wish I could hug you all.

You're welcome.

Of Red Hens and Reconstruction

Donald Sensing found this delicious fable about a Red Hen and her fair-weather friends. Basically, the Red Hen does all the work, and yet her slacker friends expect to share in the rewards.

To which Red Hen says: "No, you won't. I did all the work. I get the rewards of that work."

The Right. Rev. Sensing justly applies this to our current situation about not allowing France, Russia, Germany, Canada, et. al. to compete for reconstruction contracts. A lot of people think this is a deliberate and gratuitous slap in the face of our allies. I disagree.

In essence, this is about principle. The same principle the fable of the Red Hen is about: If you will not help your neighbor in his work, do not expect a share of your neighbor's reward. Yes, following principle is inconvenient right now, as we are trying to get these nations to forgive Iraq's debt. But if you only follow principles when they're convenient, they're not principles.

Reservoir Halflings

Congratulations! You're Merry!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Hand me my short sword. It's the one that says 'bad muthafucka' on it!"

Why we fought...

Omar at Iraq the Model tells the tale of what the villagers of Al-Dujaile lived through during Saddam's reign of terror:

I met him in a photo copy office owned by a friend. My friend introduced him to me, his name is Firas Mahmood Ya'koob, a junior resident in Al-Karkh hospital for surgery in Baghdad, a shy young man, holding some photos of men, women, and children. He wanted to make copies of them so
I knew there was a story behind them. I couldn't help asking him about it, he said "I’m from Al-Dujaile". I understood what he meant.
In Saddam's time we used to whisper about Al-Dujaile, we all knew that a massacre happened there, but we didn't dare to ask about the details and I never met any one from there. Now I can know all about it from my new friend and here it is, in his own words:

-"Al-Dujaile is my home town, I always looked at it as god's heaven on earth, it's about 60 kilometers to the north of Baghdad, on the bank of al Ishaki river (a branch of Tigris), inhabited by few thousands, most of whom are farmers, our village is well known by its date palms and grapes, a fascinating nature that takes your breath away, its people are related by strong tribal relations that keep them as one large family.
- Date: 7/8/1982, Saddam decides to visit the village, the Ba’ath party in the region prepared the people to make a big reception, they took us out of the schools(I was 7 years old). They made us line in a row on both sides of the road to wave for him and cheer his name. It never occurred to me that it would be my last day in the childhood world. I was forced to skip that period of my life with such cruelty that I can not explain.
-17 of the finest young men in the village had decided to put an end to the tyrant's life at that day, they had the courage to face him, we didn't know about their intention.
The brave men set an ambush among the palm trees, they couldn't tell which car was his, there were dozens of cars, all identical in model and color.
-The attack starts, the brave young men open fire from their simple weapons, some of the body guards get killed, others wounded, the tyrant get panicked, imagine that (Saddam is afraid) the man who enjoyed terrorizing people lives a moment of fear with all its details, he was so close to death this time.
8 of the attackers were killed, the rest fled out of the country.
(Woe to the sinners) who dared to make him scared, you should fear his revenge, you should learn the lesson so that it won't happen again, you should bow more and more and fear more and more, you should be scared to death so that you don't dare even to think of harming him; the shadow of god on earth.
-The answer was fast, one hour after the escape of the tyrant, we had to face his anger, I heard the sound of helicopters over our heads wreaking their vengeance upon our small village, backed later with shovels that leveled the trees with the ground, the order was clear(the terror should be great) so that the others would learn.
I ran away to my home into my mothers' lap, my younger brother and sisters gathered around me, I realized something huge has happened and anticipated the eminent evil. it didn't take long for the security to get to our house, we were taken to the unknown, me, my mother(who was 4 months pregnant), my sisters Einas(5 years), Zeina(3 years)and my brother Mohammed(1 year).
-The first station in our long journey was Al-Hakimiyah prison that belongs to the intelligence, I found hundreds of my village people, old, young, men, women and children, we were 480 there. Out of whom 80 were relatives of mine.
It was enough to say the word Hakimiyah for any Iraqi to be completely paralyzed(the one who gets in is a missing-the one who gets out is reborn-this was what we used to say about this prison, the walls of which tell thousands of horror stories that you refuse to believe.
I was too young to know why we were treated like that, but I sure knew the meaning of being scared to death. The sound of foot steps that stops by the door was enough for every one to freeze, as after that the door would be opened, a name of one of the men would be announced and he would be dragged to the interrogation room to return few hours later unconscious, covered by blood, wrapped in a blanket, and would be thrown on us.
The women and children had their share, and this is what saw: extraction of nails and teeth, electric shocks, whipping with lashes, using razors to tear the skin into shreds, my aunt was left hanging from the roof after her clothes had been wrapped of her in front of her brothers to force them to talk. Do you know how much pain we suffered? Can you imagine? I doubt it.
We stayed at Al-Hakimiyah for one month, the space was too small for all of us to sleep, some of us had to stay on their feet so that the others could sleep.
-After that we were transferred to Abu-Ghraib prison, where we met the men for the last time, after that, the 143 men separated from us and then transferred to another place, as for the rest of us, we were kept in Abu-Ghraib prison for six months, during that time, the day for my mother to deliver her baby came, she had complications and they didn't take her to the hospital until it was too late, the baby died. my mother never if it was a boy or a girl.
In the prison, 4 people died, my grandfather(Yousif Ya'koob), my uncles wife(Noofa Hasan), the old man(Abdul Wahab Ja'far) and his wife (Sabreya), after that we were transferred to a camp in the desert, near the Iraqi-Saudi borders, 400 kilometers south-west to Baghdad(Leeah camp).
We spent four years there.
Four years in hell, we were isolated from the world, all we could do is stay alive and pray for the men whom their destiny was unknown to us.
We were released in 1986, only for another journey of pain and suffering. We had to start a new life as all our properties were confiscated and we still don’t know anything about the men.
The other good people in our village helped us, offered us jobs in their lands and a place to stay in. I had to work -with my little brother and sisters- to earn our living and to continue with our study. Farming is too hard a job for children of our age, but we had already passed that stage.
It’s hard to explain what life is when you're a suspect with the eyes of security agents following you, stifling your breath, making your life even harder and harder, we had to give them all the pennies we could save to get some information about the missing ones, and they always promised us good news, and that our beloved ones were alive and being treated well. we didn't believe that, but what is life without hope!?
-Sixteen years later...October/2002. I finished medical school and started to practice my job as a doctor in Baghdad. The same year, Saddam suffers a hard time, the USA and the allies tighten the circle around him, he decides to set all prisoners free, including the political. That was what he said, the fact; he released only the murderers and the thieves.
Our cries lost their way trying to find our relatives among the thousands of faces, each time they reassure us that there would be another group to be released the next day, but all our efforts were in vain, we had no one but god to pray to and seek his help to show us the way.
Date: 4/9/2003, I can’t believe it, the tyrant falls, is it a dream?
Does it mean no more fear, no more terror, and no more death? We jumped into the streets wreaking our vengeance on his pictures and statues that surrounded the village he raped in a dark night.
The towns and villages expelled him and expelled his name……..WE WERE SAVED.
I took a deep breath, the air had the scent of freedom, nothing can be more beautiful, it’s difficult to describe, but we were overwhelmed by happiness, with only one distress: where had our beloved ones gone?
We started to search the security departments in Baghdad,- like thousands of Iraqis- looking for a trace, I didn’t take a long time, we found what we were looking for. The documents of the crime, I read with tears in my eyes; the presidency order dated: 7 /23 /1985, signed by the tyrant, ordering the execution of 143 men from Al-Dujaile, the youngest one (Najeeb Abd Kadim) 11 years old. Among these, 35 were relatives of mine.
God bless your souls martyrs, may you have peace in heaven, if it wasn’t your courage and blood we wouldn’t be proud.
This is the story behind these photos, my friend. It’s time they have a decent funeral. We haven’t found their remains yet, but they will always remain in our hearts”

Are you feeling angry yet?

Well, top it off with this piece of hubris:
"I realized it's only one of the issues, but my friends, this nation has never in our two centuries and more made a worse foreign policy mistake...It was a mistake to get us into a quagmire over there so don't tell me that because Howard Dean was the only major candidate who was right about that war that that somehow calls his judgment into question on foreign policy." -- Al Gore, endorsing Howard Dean for President

You're right. We shouldn't be questioning their 'judgement' on foreign policy. We should be questioning their character, their morals... hell, we should be questioning if they're even HUMAN.

Anyone who calls deposing a tyrant who treats his own people like scum a "mistake" does not deserve the title of Commander-in-Chief. Let alone be thought of as a righteous man.

Can't Believe I missed this...

The Iraqis are going to try former Baathists themselves for war crimes.

A good sign is a good sign.

Via Citizen Smash.

Whuh-oh...

So I'm sitting at work about 4:00. I feel the cubicle walls start shaking...and then they stop. I've felt this before, but I think..."no... could it be?"

I go ask my boss and his secretary if they felt that. They say, "feel what?"

I think nothing of it. Until I see this on the news.

I need a hardhat.

Greetings.

As I recover from my last post (I don't know how Steven den Beste does it), I must give a few shout outs.

First, to all those visiting my entry from "The Blogging of the President," welcome and enjoy your stay. (By the way, Mr. Stoller. It's Thief's Den. Not Dean. Still, I would like to see Dean get the nomination, but not for the reason some of y'alls may think...)

A second shout out must go to Jay at Makeout City for the blogroll. Thanks!

"In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." -- Me, telling people in the office I'm not really a computer geek, I'm just good at pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

The Seven Questions:

I know, I know, this has been done before. But still, Tacitus' Seven Questions about what to do with Iraq are worth answering.

1) What is your primary value with regard to Iraq? Secondary?

Primarily, I want Iraq to be a democracy, not a theocracy or a dictatorship, not only to provide an example to the rest of the Arab world that there is a way forward, but to allow the Iraqi people to prosper and have control over their own lives. Secondary to this is that Iraq must be stable, without insurgents and terrorists running all over the place. However, I do recognize that sometimes democracy can be a little bit rough and tumble. As democracy grows, and Iraqis inevitably figure out that it's a better system than what they had before, violent insurgency and terrorism will gradually become a thing of the past. (Behind these first two, my third objective for the U.S. in Iraq would be to establish a permanent military base there, so that we can 1) better defend Iraq against any would-be agressors, either from states or terrorist groups, and 2) to let Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria, et. al. that we are not going to turn a blind eye to their support of terrorism, or their acquisition of weapons of mass destruction, any longer; to somewhat mangle Voltaire, it will "encourage the others."

2) What sort of state and society do you prefer in Iraq if you leave?

As far as a government, I would probably prefer some kind of federal union (either along the lines of the current 18 Iraqi provinces or along new provincial lines for Sunni, Shiite, and Kurdish Areas). I would also like to see a parliamentary, bicameral government (the Swiss model, I think, is ideal) , with elections along the British model (elections must be held at least once every five years).
As far as Iraqi society, I would like it to be democratic, peaceful, and tolerant (so wouldn't everybody), but which does not support terrorism, oppress women or religious minorities, or lives under the thumb of theocracy. The question of Islam is a thorny one; ideally, I would like to see a deal similar to what's in place right here in the USA: a recognized place for religious faith, and a guaranteed right to practice religion, but at the same time, which makes religion completely independant of the levers of government power. For example, if Iraq wanted to have shari'a law, I would have no problem with it, as long as 1) the Iraqi people (not the clerics) freely chose it through the democratic process, and 2), the people retained the right to change their minds if they don't like how it turns out.

3) What are you unwilling to do to achieve goals 1 and 2?

-Commit any egregious human rights violations (i.e. Stalinist mass slaughter of all who oppose our might, "burning the village in order to save it," mass imprisonments, etc.)
- Establish any kind of "strong-man" or "Saddam Lite."
- Cut ANY deals with terrorist or insurgent groups that do not include their total surrender and disarmament.

4) What immediate action would you take upon assumption of command?
- Redeploy some U.S. troops (50-60% of current total strength) out of Shiite and Kurdish areas, and put them in the Sunni Triangle.
- Bring back the Free Iraqi forces that the INC had established. Use them and the Kurdish Peshmerga alongside U.S. units as translators and local liasons.
- Accelerate the recruiting and training of Iraqi police and army soldiers. In particular, Locate english-speaking junior officers and NCO's from Saddam's regular Army who were not Baathists, and send them to U.S. officer and NCO schools. Once their training is complete, use them to train more officers and NCOs.
- Lean on Syria to stop accepting Saddam's hidden money and weapons caches, and stop allowing foriegn jihadis to pass through on their way to Iraq. Establish checkpoints on the Iraq-Syrian border that all traffic have to pass through. Detain anyone smuggling weapons, money, or terrorists into or out of Iraq. Announce that, if necessary, the U.S. will begin mining the border.
- Declare any non-Iraqi terrorist entering Iraq to be an "illegal combatant" for the purposes of the Geneva Convention, and send them to Guantanamo Bay.
- Get a 24-hour Iraqi Satellite TV network up and running, in Arabic, to keep Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabiya from monopolizing the news. NOW.
- Find out what the Saddamites are paying as rewards for attacks on coalition troops and civilians. Offer 50% more for info leading to the arrest of known militants, as well as per-item bounties for arms cashes (i.e. $20 bucks for an AK-47, $100 for a SAM, $5 for an IED, etc.)
- Encourage the new Iraqi government to repudiate its foriegn debts (about $194.1 billion worth of debt and pending contracts.) They're called "odious debts" for a reason. (This will also let the Russians and French know that perfidity has a consequence, as they were big creditors for Saddam.) Work with the Iraqis and the UN to restructure reperations payments arising out of the first gulf war.
- Establish a micro-loan program to allow Iraqis to restart their old businesses, or start new ones.
- Establish an Iraqi Works Progress Adminstration to 1) employ Iraqis, 2) repair infrastructure to make Iraq more attractive for investment, 3) clean up the environmental damage the Hussein regieme has done, and 4) get Iraqis used to working with one another.
- Begin work on restoring the Marshlands in the south of Iraq.
- Begin investigating genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity committed by the Hussein regieme. Establish a mixed tribunal of American, British, Iraqi, and Kuwaiti judges, as well as a joint prosecutorial staff, and begin indicting former regieme leaders.
- Send out feelers to the Governing Council and local/tribal leaders about securing permanent basing rights in Iraq for 1-2 Army divisions, an Air Force wing, and maybe some Marines, as well as propose a mutual defense pact (the U.S. will defend Iraq against any act of agression by any state or terrorist group).
- Visit Iraq again. Stay for a few days, meet with ordinary Iraqis as well as U.S. troops. Make a major speech announcing that we are staying in Iraq until the job is done.
- Above all, reassure the Iraqi people that we are not going to throw them to the wolves, that we will stay as long as they want us there. And they DO want us there.

5) What long-term action would you take?

As far as Iraq goes:
- As noted before, establish a permanent military presence in Iraq, and continue training and Iraqi Army and Police force. Keep Iraq moving slowly towards self-government. (i.e. a constitution, free elections, national and provinicial governments, etc.) Once it has become clear that the Iraqi government is strong enough to conduct general law enforcement and put down any Baathist or terrorist flare-ups, I would gradually take U.S. troops out of enforcement mode and keep them on their reservations, just letting thr Iraqis know that we're there if they need us.
- Sign and ratify the aformentioned defense pact with Iraq (i.e. The U.S. military will defend Iraq in case of foreign invasion or terrorism).
- Keep up cultural exhange (i.e. VOA broadcasts, Marshall scholarhips, academic and technology exchanges).
- Sign a free-trade agreement with Iraq.

Not much new. The deeper changes, I think, will have to come within the U.S. government itself. We must understand that we are facing an enemy that is just as subtle and ruthless as the Soviet Union was. We need to restructure the U.S. government to fight radical Islamism just as we confronted communism.

Departmental Changes:

State Department:
- Retain Powell (he's a very capable diplomat), but fire everyone at the deputy, assistant, and undersecretary levels, with maybe a few exceptions for people who have followed the Commander-in-Chiefs orders without bitching to the Washington Post every 10 minutes. Make it publicly clear that the basic policy of the Iraq war in particular, and the war on terror in general, is no longer up for debate anywhere in the government, and that people who do not agree will either keep it to themselves or turn in their resignations. In America, policy flows down, not up.
- I would probably bring Wolfowitz over from Defense and make him deputy Secretary of State (Second behind Powell). This will shock a lot of people (i.e. Europe) but it will also bring some clear-eyed analysis to State, as well as convince the rest of the world that we really are serious. I would then fill all the vacant leadership posts with people who were experts in their area (paying especially close attention to the Public Diplomacy chief), and who understand the stakes involved.
- In addition, I would establish an Executive Undersecretary of State for Administration and Planning, who would be responsible for reforming the State Department to better communicate with other countries and people (expanding the Foreign Service, providing more opportunities for mid-career training, and most importantly, eliminating the tenure system for Foreign Service Officers so that they can be fired for insubordination or incompetence.) I wonder if this guy's free...
- Right now, State is divided along along career lines (i.e. Political, Economic, Administrative, etc.). I would change the basic structure of the State Department so that Regional Chiefs (Western Hemisphere, African, European/Eurasian, Near Eastern, South Asian, East Asian/Pacific) and some Functional Chiefs who deal with worldwide issues (Public Diplomacy, Global Affairs, Arms Control, and International Organizations, as well as the new Administration/Planning post) would be at the top. Regional Assistant Secretaries would be responsible for everything in their region (Political, Economic, Trade, Agriculture, Consular, Cultural). Most of the Functional areas are pretty much self-evident.
- The one that isn't is Public Diplomacy. Let's face it, the U.S. does a piss-poor job of getting its message out to the rest of the world. The fine people at the United States Information Agency Alumni Association have a lot of reform ideas, all of which I would probably implement. Most important will be a doubling of the U.S.'s Public Diplomacy budget, along with continued support for programs like VOA and Radio Sawa.

Defense:
- We're running short on troops. Let's just admit it. Gen. Shinseki (ex-Army Chief of Staff) may have been an empty suit, (Rumor has it he spent too much time sucking up to Congress because he's being groomed to replace Sen. Inouye) but he had it right when he said "beware a 12-division strategy for a 10 division army." We had a 12-division Army in the Gulf War, all-volunteer, we could easily do that again. I would add those two divisions, possibly more if we could afford it and get enough new soldiers.
- At the same time, I'd scrap the "Total Force" doctrine that requires the U.S. to activate Reserve and Guard troops for any kind of sustained military operation, which, as I've noted before, is nothing but a Vietnam-era hangover. These repeated troop call ups are too damaging to the U.S. in terms of economics (these reservists and Guardsmen have jobs which they have to leave) and public safety (many reservists and Guardsmen are police officers, firefighters, EMT's, and doctors); but most of all, they are not fair to our Guard and Reserve soldiers, who have lives and families outside the military, and who did not sign up to be called to active duty for two years straight. I would transfer most of our serious combat capability to the active duty force, and I would entice current Guard and Reserve troops to go back to active duty with bonuses. I'd keep some reserve forces around, (a real "contingency" force), but I'd confine the National Guard to civil defense and homeland security missions.
- As far as divisions go, I would also create a dedicated peacekeeping division, drawn mostly from the Military Police and Civil Affairs branches, (MP's are trained to deal with civilians in ambiguous situations, and Civil Affairs soldiers are experts in everything from school rebuilding to administering courts.)
- And if the Army bitches and moans and tries to fight this...well, we could always use more Marines...
- Air Force can pretty much stay as is (though, based on how much ground forces will be needed in future campaigns, I would seriously start pushing for a replacement for the A-10 over the much-overhyped Joint Strike Fighter). I would also keep the Navy as is, but with the addition of more littoral-area capability (i.e. these).

Intelligence
- Get rid of George Tenet. It's time for new blood.
- Find the idiot or idiots who set up Mr. Wilson's perfunctory joke mission to Niger and fire their asses too. This was a blatant case of the CIA slanting intelligence to fit their own policy, rather than the president's. (The president is an elected policymaker. He does not answer to the CIA for what he does with intelligence. If he wants to believe certain pieces of intelligence and not others, that's his business. The CIA answers to the President, who in turn answers to the voters.) It comes down to the same issue that I brought up with the State Department. Policy flows down, not up.
-Expand the Clandestine Service (Human Intelligence.) The terrorists already know how to fool our technical intelligence. Only human beings can tell what Saddam or Osama's next intentions are.
- I think William Odom hit it on the head in Fixing Intelligence. Basically, what Odom wants to do is break up the intelligence community into different functional areas. (CIA would be broken up. The Director of Central Intelligence would continue to be the president's Intelligence advisor, but there would be seperate agencies for human intelligence (CIA's Directorate of Operations), signals intelligence(NSA), imagery intelligence(NGA which apparently is NIMA's new name), military intelligence (DIA), as well as establishing a seperate counter-intelligence agency that takes over the FBI's CI functions. (I'd probably establish a seperate agency to do open-source intelligence as well. Why pay for a spy or a satellite to get information that's already out there for free?)

Other
- All of these recommendations, obviously, require more people. (Specifically young people, who want to serve their country.) That's why the National Security Education Program (currently under the thumb of leftist professors) needs a thorough revamping. In fact, I would propose making the NSEP into as big a program as ROTC, and with the same trade-off: the government will pay for part of college (all of it in the case of someone we really need, like an Arabic major), in exchange for civilian service in national security after graduation (in the CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, DIA, etc). And I would establish a new rule that any institution which discriminates against students on ROTC or NSEP scholarships, or against students seeking government or military employment will lose federal funding. (It's called the Solomon Amendment, people. Get used to it.)

We all need to remember that Iraq is just one part of a larger war, a war that may last for the next 20 years or more. It's time to start planning accordingly.

(Oh, and have the Democrats figure out that unless they pull their heads out of their asses on the war on terrorism they will continue to lose ground in Congress. But what are the odds of that happening?)

6) At what point would you declare your plan a failure?

If a majority of the Iraqi people become hostile and join the opposition, then it'll be time to go. But if we treat the Iraqis with respect, and let the world know we are dealy freakin' serious about staying in Iraq (i.e. re-elect Bush in a landslide), we will get a lot fewer problems.

7) How much time are you willing to allot to your occupation?

As long as necessary. In fact, having a permanent military presence in the Middle East, much as we have had with Germany, Japan and Korea might not be such a bad thing after all.

Bonus) How will you pay for it all?

Well, thanks to the wonderful folks at Citizens Against Government Waste, I've made up a sheet with about 400 or so programs which could be cut or restructured to save money; $135.8 billion in the first year, $1.03 trillion over five years. (Not to mention that, by my guess, maybe 1/3 of the $328 billion in discretionary spending in this years omnibus spending bill is pork.) More than enough to do the reconstruction, give Iraq a hefty chunk of change, and maybe help out with the deficit to boot.

Wow.

That took a long time and a lot of thought.

Maybe rebuilding a country isn't so easy after all.

E-mails welcome.

Won't You Be My Neighbor? Only if you don't blow me up...

News from the land of make-believe.

OK, so this Jewish dude and this Palestinian dude get together. They decide to negotiate a "peace treaty" to solve the Israeli-Palestinian dispute. Only neither one is a representative of their government (both are former ministers in their respective governments.) And the peace treaty sounds supiciously like a desperate Israeli land give-away for peace. (Yeah, as if that has worked before.)

So what the hell is Senor Powell doing over there endorsing the deal?

I'm guessing King Friday and Queen Saturday need to call X the Know-it-Owl into the throne room and school him about, y'know...how bad people don't keep their promises...

"People who strap bombs to their chests are not your neighbors!"

Make-believe, indeed...

"You will get your fingers burned."

Allah, meet Alaa:

Some old friends have joined the latest comments section. One of them, a non-Iraqi "brother" has honored us again. Although, I am one of those people who are not against a debate with conflicting and divergent views; but when someone just repeats nonsense and biased prejudice it is difficult to keep one's cool. I think we have answered this "Layth" before. He doesn't deserve really a second retort. But, he does represent quite a lot of Arabs and non-Iraqis. I must tell him and his like: We know you very well. It is the likes of you whom we cannot tolerate really. We know your pretended concern for us Iraqis. That was clearly shown by blowing up primary schools, the United Nations H.Q., the Red Cross etc. etc. You find it too much that we can sit at keyboards and use the Internet. You would much rather prefer the previous state of affairs, during your "legitimate" Saddam regime, when we could not even use fax machines. You would much rather have us miserably going about in pathetic existence. That is what you want. That is what would satisfy your spleen. You are the real Iraqi haters. You hate our guts. You are our real enemy. Now, if you want my advice, you just keep away from this, and don't interfere. We don't need you or the likes of you. We can manage; Sunnis, Shiaa, Christian and all. Keep away from this, or you will get your fingers burned.

Do you hear that, Denver? Or shall I turn it up for you?

Read and Remember

A moving letter from the daughter of Command Sgt. Maj. James Blankenbecler written after his death.

"You always told me and mom you never wanted to die in a stupid way like a car accident or something like that. And you really didn’t die in a stupid way ... you died in the most honorable way a man like you could — protecting me, mom, J., A. [full names withheld] and the rest of the United States.

In the Bible it says everyone is put on this earth for a purpose, and once they accomplished this you can return to Jesus. I did not know at first what you did so soon to come home to God. But I thought about it — you have done everything. You have been the best husband, father, son and soldier in the world. And everyone knows this."

Read the whole thing at Front Line Voices.

Note to Joseph C. Wilson...

... if your wife's a "Secret Agent," and you're trying to "give her back her anonymity..."

DON'T HAVE HER APPEAR IN A VANITY FAIR COVER STORY, YOU BLOW-DRIED FUCKWIT!

I mean, Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, you'd think he know better.

I ain't got time to blog...

...until now.

My boss recently got a big promotion, which means a new office across town. Which means an entirely different system of computers, because...well, let's just say the IT people that I work for are retarded. Which means I have to fix things for my boss. Because, as he told me, "I don't care what you have to do, just make it work!" And so I do.

And that is why Thief has not been blogging for, oh...the last two freakin' months. But that all changes today.

Thief is back.

Ph33r m3 m4d ski11z!