Thief's Den

Weekend TD Radio

This weeks radio playlist - "Goin' Down South."

'Cuz that's where I'm going this weekend. Specifically, San Antonio, TX.

Meet y'alls on the Riverwalk for Margaritas.

If any San Antonio Bloggers are out there, give me a shout out.

New Addition

Welcome NeanderPundit to the blogroll. Specifically, because of this post...

Read, and ponder the eternal constants of human nature. Specifically, what does an elementary school playground have to do with International Relations...

In 1987...

...millions of Cicadas went out to the woods outside Burkettsville, Maryland, to do the nasty.

They were never seen again.

17 years later, their offspring were found.

Take the Cicada Test!

Via A Small Victory.

Playlist of the Mooninites

This weekend's playlist on TD Radio - entitled "We do whatever we want to whomever we want. At all times." Michele, consider this your antidote to all the death and combustion feelings.

But first, an apology on the first song to Dorkafork. Consider the "hex" lifted. (I hope you made the most of it, at least. ;) )

Uhhh...your bias is showing.

I don't think the WaPo is even trying anymore.

Soldier Found Guilty of Desertion in Iraq By RUSS BYNUM The Associated Press Friday, May 21, 2004; 1:11 PM

FORT STEWART, Ga. - A military jury convicted a U.S. soldier Friday of desertion for leaving his combat unit in Iraq in protest of an "oil-driven" war.

Staff Sgt. Camilo Mejia of the Florida National Guard was found guilty by a jury of four officers and four enlisted soldiers. Jurors deliberated almost two hours.

How about, "A military jury convicted a U.S. soldier Friday of desertion for leaving his combat unit in Iraq in protest of what he claimed was an "oil-driven" war.

There. Was that REALLY so hard?

No Sex In The Campaign Room

Ladies and Gentlemen of Capitol Hill, I have one piece of advice for you.

There is no sex in the campaign room.
None.
Oh, there's a campaign in the campaign room.
But you don't want a campaign.
You want sex.
And there is no sex in the campaign room.

Update: The Politburo is misinformed about a great many things.

Update 2: James is shocked, SHOCKED, to find civil servants screwing around with oversexed college-student interns! It's not like this is the first time (Packwood, Clinton, etc.) Heck, we haven't had a proper Christmas here in DC in about 40 years, by my count.... do you know how hard it is to find three wise men or a virgin?

Could it be....Satan?

Cyber church reacts to 'Satan' visit

Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Posted: 8:12 PM EDT (0012 GMT)

LONDON, England (AP) -- Britain's first three-dimensional cyber church has been forced to tighten security after a slew of abusive visitors ranted from the pulpit and swore in the aisles.

The Church of Fools said Wednesday it has withdrawn the "shout" button, which allows visitors to address everyone who is present, and added more wardens, who use a "smite" button to log out people who use abusive language. The apse area, including pulpit, lectern and altar have also been closed to visitors.

The church said the first two days of the site, which launched last week, had been very noisy; in one case, a person logged in as Satan, entered the pulpit and started to blaspheme.

The church, complete with a stained glass window, gothic arches, pews, and a crypt, is sponsored by the Methodist Church and run by Ship of Fools, a campaigning online Christian magazine.

Church spokesman Stephen Goddard compared the difficulties with early problems faced by the evangelist John Wesley, who founded Methodism in the 18th century.

"When Wesley started off all those years ago preaching to the unconverted, he was shouted at, spat at and abused and people brayed like donkeys to put him off preaching," Goddard said.

"When you go out into a different culture first you are going to suffer abuse. We are not worried about it and it does not offend us."

Probably just some raving atheist a**holes in a fit of pique that (gasp) some people still believe in God. You know what? I've come up with a name for them, in order to distinguish them from the kinder, thoughtful atheists who don't go around obnoxiously insulting the religious beliefs of everyone they come in contact with and then wonder why nobody cares about them.

Henceforth, obnoxious athiests shall be known as "ath-holes."

Can You Hear Me Now?

Good!

Inspiration Credit to Michele. A Pox on Dorkafork. (Nothing too serious, though. ;) )

Now Let's Jam.

IRON BLOOOOOOG!!!!!

[Mortal Kombat Voice]

THE CHAMPION: Jay "Folkbum" Bullock

THE CHALLENGER: Jimmy "Suburban Sundries Shack" Bise

THE ARENA: GAY MARRIAGE

ROUND 1: FIGHT!!!

[/Mortal Kombat Voice]

Where Did That Come From?

Coalition forces in Iraq find sarin gas device

Monday, May 17, 2004 Posted: 10:50 AM EDT (1450 GMT)

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- American-led coalition forces in Iraq found sarin gas in an artillery round that was rigged as an improvised explosive device, U.S. Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt said Monday.

The device went off before it could be disabled, Kimmitt said, causing a "small dispersal" of the nerve agent. Two members of an explosives ordnance team were treated for minor exposure, he said.

Kimmitt said the artillery round was of an old style that Saddam Hussein's regime had declared it no longer had after the Persian Gulf War. He said it was designed to explode after being fired from an artillery piece and that its effectiveness as an improvised explosive device was "limited."

Kimmitt did not say where the weapon was found nor did he say if it originated in Iraq.

Go on. Go on and repeat that bullsh*t about how Saddam didn't have WMD's and we just "made it all up." I double-dare you.

Thief...LIVE!!!!

Come meet me and talk about some GOOD news for a change...

Cliches and You, pt. II

(cue 50's filmstrip music)

Cliche: "out of the frying pan and into the fire"
Definition: escaping from one bad situation only to find onself in a worse situation.

Example: This NY Times Article on how Germans deal with terrorists.

A terrorist leader named Ammari Saifi, also known as Abderrezak al-Para because he was trained as an Algerian Special Forces paratrooper, took 32 European tourists hostage near the Libyan border and transported some of them to northern Mali.

To free the hostages, United States military officials say, Germany paid him a ransom of nearly $6 million - equivalent to a quarter of Niger's defense budget - making him instantly one of the most powerful Islamic militants in North Africa.

He is a leader of the Salafist Group for Preaching and Combat, or G.S.P.C., which was formed in 1998 and has many links with Al Qaeda.

Earlier this year, Mr. Saifi went on a shopping spree in northern Mali, gathering weapons, vehicles and recruits while American and Algerian intelligence monitored him with growing alarm. In February, Algerian forces intercepted a convoy carrying weapons north from Mali. Algerian officials say the cargo contained mortar launchers, rocket-propelled grenade launchers and surface-to-air missiles.

Via RantingProfs.

Some of us just talk. Others do.

I must give a shout out to Porphyrogenitus. He's giving up his blog (temporarily) to join the U.S. Army. Stop by and peruse his archives (they are really good), and send him a few words of encouragement to help him through Basic Training.

One thought of encouragement for Master P...a quote of mine, stemming from a dispute with an editor of mine at a student publication I worked at in college:
"If I want to hear people bitch about the bad job that I'm doing while not lifting a f**king finger themselves, I will join the Army AND GET PAID FOR IT!"

Cliches and You, pt. I

(cue 50's film strip music)

Cliche: "closing the barn door after the horse escapes"
Definition: taking preventative action only after the thing to be prevented has happened.

Example: This Classified Pentagon E-mail leaked to Time about the Taguba Report on Prison Abuse

From: Information Services Customer Liaison, ISD
Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2004 12:45 PM
To: MLA dd - USD(I) - ALL; MLA dd - NII ALL
Subject: URGENT IT BULLETIN: Tugabe Report (FOUO)
Importance: High

FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY

AUDIENCE
All ISD Customers

SUMMARY
Fox News and other media outlets are distributing the Tugabe report (spelling is approximate for reasons which will become obvious momentarily). Someone has given the news media classified information and they are distributing it. THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS REPORT IS CLASSIFIED. ALL ISD CUSTOMERS SHOULD:

1) NOT GO TO FOX NEWS TO READ OR OBTAIN A COPY
2) NOT comment on this to anyone, friends, family etc.
3) NOT delete the file if you receive it via e-mail, but
4) CALL THE ISD HELPDESK AT 602-2627 IMMEDIATELY

This leakage will be investigated for criminal prosecution. If you don't have the document and have never had legitimate access, please do not complicate the investigative processes by seeking information. Again, THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS REPORT IS CLASSIFIED; DO NOT GO TO FOX NEWS TO READ OR OBTAIN A COPY.

ASSISTANCE
If you have any questions, please contact the ISD Helpdesk at 703-602-2627 or via email at isdhelpdesk@osd.mil.

Thank you for your cooperation.

INFORMATION SERVICES DIRECTORATE

Via LawMeme.

The Fedayeen Cold

I mentioned a couple of times in my runup to COTV #85 that I was battling a cold.

It turns out this is the understatement of the year. This was a fedayeen cold. You think you get it, it just melts away and comes back somewhere else in a completetly different form.

Until now.

Meet the United States Marine Corps of modern medicine: antibiotics.

Now GET OUT OF MY LUNGS, BITCH!!!

IROOOOOOOON BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!!!!!!

The Reigning Queen of All Evil Vs. Challenger Ara Rubyan!

ROUND 1: FIGHT!!!!

(Cue Mortal Kombat Theme)

Old News From The News Bin

Aaron sticks it in, breaks it off.

Not work safe.

Do They Notice? Do They Care?

No, and no.

The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it's not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing.
Oh, sure, there's a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out. And we're almost on a first-name basis with the pukes who abused the Iraqi prisoners. And we know all about improvised explosive devices and how we lost Fallujah and what Arab public-opinion polls say about us and how the world hates us.

We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom.

But we don't hear about the heroes.

The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue.

The ones we completely ignore.

Like Brian Chontosh.

It was a year ago on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee.

When all hell broke loose.

Ambush city.

The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades. And the id out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him.

So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire.

It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish.

And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack. He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the .50 cal unload on them.

Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines. Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride.

And he ran down the trench.

With its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers.

And he killed them all.

He fought with the M16 until he was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo.

At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion.

When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon's flank. He had killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more.

But that's probably not how he would tell it.

He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Hoo-ah, and drive on.

"By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."

That's what the citation says.

And that's what nobody will hear.

That's what doesn't seem to be making the evening news. Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform, or to depress - to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies.

But I guess it doesn't matter.

We're going to turn out all right.

As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear our uniform.

- by Bob Lonsberry © 2004

Via Blackfive.

D'oh.

The State Dept. finds out that change isn't always a good thing.

European researchers at a security conference in Switzerland last week demonstrated computer-based techniques that can identify blacked-out words and phrases in confidential documents.

The researchers showed their software at the conference, called Eurocrypt, by analyzing a presidential briefing memorandum released in April to the commission investigating the Sept. 11 attacks. After analyzing the document, they said they had high confidence the word "Egyptian" had been blacked out in a passage describing the source of an intelligence report stating that Osama Bin Ladin was planning an attack in the United States.

The technique he and Whelan developed involves first using a program to realign the document, which had been placed on a copying machine at a slight angle. They determined that the document had been tilted by about half a degree.

By realigning the document, it was possible to use another program Whelan had written to determine that it had been formatted in the Arial font. Next, they found the number of pixels that had been blacked out in the sentence: "An Egyptian Islamic Jihad (EIJ) operative told an xxxxxxxx service at the same time that Bin Ladin was planning to exploit the operative's access to the U.S. to mount a terrorist strike." They then used a computer to determine the pixel length of words in the dictionary when written in the Arial font.

The program rejected all of the words that were not within three pixels of the length of the word that was probably under the blacked-out area in the document.

The software then reduced the number of possible words to just seven from 1,530 by using semantic guidelines, including the grammatical context. The researchers selected the word "Egyptian" from the seven possible words, rejecting "Ukrainian" and "Ugandan," because those countries would be less likely to have such information.

In January, the State Department required that its documents use a more modern font, Times New Roman, instead of Courier, Naccache said. Because Courier is a monospace font, in which all letters are of the same width, it is harder to decipher with the computer technique. There is no indication that the State Department knew that.

We'll see how long it takes the State Dept. to notice and make another change.

Via Boing Boing.

DOOMED!!!!!!

John Brady Kiesling thinks we're all doomed! DOOMED!!!

His suggestion to improve American Security: Intentionally lose in Iraq. Leave. Pray that the guy we lose to is nice.

Did I mention that Mr. K was a former Foreign Service Officer? And that he resigned to protest the Iraq war? (Was it REALLY that hard to tell?)

Stability at all costs in action... the highlights:

The deadliest illusion about warfare is that the aim of war is military victory. The true aim of war is to accomplish the political, economic or security goals for which it was fought.

Which can't happen if you LOSE. But nevermind that.

I'd like to go over the entire article, but I've got other stuff to do.

But, I will leave you with Kiesling's conclusion, and an appropriate rebuttal.

Who would you trust?

To achieve its vital war aims, in other words, America must abandon its dream of victory and accept the appearance of defeat. What does this mean in practice? Quite simply, the United States must take a cold, analytical look at the forces arrayed against us in Iraq and decide which leader should be allowed the glorious destiny of redeeming his country from foreign occupation. Once the United States has fixed on a credible resistance leader, our goal should be to cede him tactical, positional victories while denying them to his competitors. The U.S. military might be able to find and disable any resistance large enough to be a military threat, but this leader's movement we should allow to grow. We should open a communications channel, and enforce a set of rules to limit the battlefield and minimize casualties.

Rebuttal:

We can still lose this war. If nation building in Iraq fails, we won't succeed in demonstrating that reform can work for Arabs and make them happier and more successful. We will fail to show them that reform is a better choice for them than jihad. If we permit low level resistance in Iraq to drive us out, the Arab street will once again conclude that we are ultimately cowardly, and will again feel contempt for us. And no nation or group in the region will ever again take the risk of helping us in any future operation there.If other nations in the region don't implement reforms, their people will continue to be angry and will continue to support terrorism and extremism. If the other nations in the region don't cut off support for terrorist groups, those groups will continue to have the wherewithal to operate, and may eventually target us. If we do not bring about general reform before one or another nation in the region successfully develops nuclear weapons, the political situation will become vastly more complicated and we will be in extreme peril. It will become extremely difficult for us to continue to foster reform in the region, and there will be an unacceptably high likelihood that one of our cities will eventually be nuked. It is therefore critical that we continue to be engaged in the region and continue to work for reform there, doing whatever we must to prevent development of nukes by hostile nations in the region and continuing to work to weaken existing terrorist organizations. We are winning the war but we have not won it. It will take decades to win, just as the Cold War took decades to win. The greatest danger facing us now is that we'll lose heart and give up before we finish the job.

Mr. Kiesling: FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. And if I may say, the fact that you aren't one of the people setting foreign policy is a good thing.

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBIRD!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it. Thank you all for reading!!!!

If I leave here tomorrow,
would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now.
'Cause there's too many places I've gotta see.
But if I stayed here with you, girl,
things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
And this bird you cannot change.
The Lord knows, I can't change.

Biden: God Must Resign over Abu Gharib Abuse

I know politicians are given over to rhetorical flourishes every now and again, but this is a tad ridiculous....

Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., a key Democratic supporter of President Bush's decision to wage war on Iraq, said the president must demonstrate that he understands the "nature of the damage" caused by the abuse incident by "determining who is responsible, no matter how far up the chain of command this goes."

Once those people are identified, Biden said, Bush must "demand the resignations for whoever is involved in this policy, and that includes Lord God Almighty himself. It includes anybody involved."

I know it's hyperbole, but leave it to a Democrat to think that earthly politics counts that much.

Heh.

Thanks to Fianna.

Hot XXX Anti-American Action!

Some Useful Idiots of the Iraqi Resistance used pictures swiped from a porn site in order to accuse U.S. troops of committing atrocities. The Porn People found them out.

Irony of Ironies...the same twisted fanatics that gave us burqas and honor killings have no compunction about trolling hard-core sites looking for Arab-looking women getting their oil changed by anyone in fatigues if it's for the "resistance." Between this and "Deliverance: The Jihad Years...," we're dealing with people who have ISSUES.

By the way, I got the Fleshbot link from Instapundit.

*cough* pervert *cough*

Read This. Now.

Meirav was two.

Just read this. If you're not angry, you will be.

Via A Small Victory.

More Final Fantasy Merriment...

8-Bit Theater Meets Dungeons & Dragons....

"ROLL THE DICE TO SEE IF I'M GETTING DRUNK!"

Note 1: I do NOT actually sound like any of these people. Not even the thief.

Note 2: I do NOT play Dungeons & Dragons. (I prove my geekiness through my blogging, thankyouverymuch.)

But it's still hella cool.

It's Deja Vu All Over Again: Dems Try Television After Radio 'Success'

Someone once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time. Apparently that someone was not Al Gore:

From the WaPo, here's what Gore said (plus a few things I assume they meant that didn't make the page...)

NEW ORLEANS -- An investor group headed by former Vice President Al Gore said Tuesday it is launching a cable news network for young adults, buying an existing network with an eye to retooling it with "irreverent and bold" programming.

The group is buying the Newsworld International channel from Vivendi Universal Entertainment for an undisclosed sum. The deal with Gore's company, INdTV Holdings, was announced Tuesday during the National Cable and Television Association convention in New Orleans.

Newsworld International is a 24-hour channel broadcasting international news produced by the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. that now has about 14 million North American households, according to the Vivendi Web site.

Gore said the network will be "an independent voice in this industry" with a primary target audience of people between 18 and 34 "who want to learn about the world in a voice they recognize and a view they recognize as their own."

"This is not going to be a liberal network, a Democratic network or a political network," Gore said at a news conference.

The programming will continue to be provided by Canadian Broadcasting Corp., officials said.

Gore will serve as chairman of the board and said he will devote most of his time to the network. Also announcing the acquisition Tuesday was Joel Hyatt, an entrepreneur and former finance chairman for the Democratic National Committee who ran a failed campaign for the U.S. Senate in Ohio in 1994.

"Having learned from both the successes and failures of other cable networks, we are confident this is a winning concept," said Hyatt, who will serve as chief executive.

Hyatt said the programming will include traditional news formats like documentaries. But he used words like "irreverent and bold" to describe the tone of the programming, which he said will include news comedies and other "formats you haven't seen before."

He would give no specifics but added: "Our goal is not to be the 251st cable network that looks like the others."

Gore said he and Hyatt had met a lot of young, creative people "who need a venue to compete in a meritocracy of ideas."

The former vice president, who was once a newspaper reporter in Tennessee, said he was making a long-term commitment to the network. He said he is enjoying life outside politics and does not foresee running for political office again, although he would not rule it out completely.

Gore would not say how much INdTV paid for the network, which is currently carried by DirecTV, Time Warner and in some areas by Comcast.

INdTV said its acquisition was financed by equity capital firms and individual investors.

Read: "We kissed George Soros' ass like it was the f*ckin' Blarney Stone."

OK, all together now:

Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!

Carnival of the Vanities #85: Final Fantasy Edition

Corneria -- The Shining City (Politics)

From the grandest of the world's cities, these warriors fight the foe with word and sword...

-- Kevin from The Smallest Minority debates the merits of gun control across the pond.

-- Jim's Snooze Button Dreams dreams about a Presidential candidate who can actually answer a question...

Pravoka -- Scurvy Scalawags (Entertainment)

From that rough-and-tumble port city, these cut-throat warriors know how to have a good time on land...

-- Jeremiah of Fringeblog reviews Kill Bill...and he saw that it was good.

-- Josh of D-42 on Girls Next Door... and not just the movie.

Elfland -- We Still Remember, We Who Dwell (History)

From the Elven lands, these brave and long-lived warriors remember a nearly-forgotten past...

-- Solomonia on a day with two meanings...Patriot's Day & Holocaust Rememberance Day

--Dissecting Leftism notes that the Church of England isn't living up to its traditions.

The Dwarf Cave -- The Master Builders (Business)

Short in stature, yet strong in heart, these warriors are known for their industriousness and indomitable spirit...

-- Brian Noggle muses on the perks of personal finance. Nekkid ladies are involved.

-- Michael of The Calico Cat compares Donald Trump to Gordon Gekko of Wall Street... with surprising results.

Melmond -- The Rotting Earth (Injustice & Outrage)

Refugees from a country ravaged by plague and death, these warriors wage a desperate fight to save their homeland...

-- The World According to Pete passes along this tale of two guys in the middle of nowhere, and the idiot SWAT cops who arrested them for shooting at cans.

-- Last One Speaks recounts the horrifying tale of a Canadian couple who were allegedly smoking a joint in Central Park.

-- From the indispensible Zero Tolerance: A high school student borrowed her mother's car. A random search discovered her mother's stun gun. Her scholastic career is now over.

Crescent Lake -- The Circle of Sages (Knowledge & Philosophy)

These sage warriors, the wisest in all the world, battle evil with force of mind and will...

-- Rich, from SharpBlue, reviews Consilience, a book about the lost unity of the physical and social sciences

-- Bussorah's Wicked Thoughts passes along this list of interesting yet obscure facts.

The Cardia Islands -- A Dragon's Heart (Military & War)

Renowned as the world's fiercest fighters, these winged warriors prize courage, honor, and justice over life itself...

Sneakeasy's Joint takes the media to task over its biased coverage on Iraq.

--Jeff Doolittle explains what can be done to restore the honor of America's troops after the atrocities in Abu Gharib.

--QandO, meanwhile, notes the hypocrisy of the Arab World in dealing with cases of torture and murder.

Gaia -- The Happy Valley (Home Life)

Simple folk who yearn for the comforts of hearth and home, these warriors nevertheless join the quest so that evil may spare their land...

-- Chris at The People's Republic of Seabrook fondly remembers rooting for the home team.

-- Red Ted remembers his mother's May Day rhyme. He had a very interesting childhood.

-- Greenie Watch, however, sees the horde of anti-suburb barbarians just beyond the gates.

Lefein -- Mysterious Wanderers (Blogging, Journalism, & Free Speech)

From an advanced civilzation once thought lost, these warriors travel the known world seeking knowledge and truth...

-- WOLves asks whether bloggers are journalists...and asks if they need to be.

-- Political Correctness Watch reports on the anti-democratic treatment of immigration opponents.

And Finally, from Parts Unknown (???)

-- Thief (that would be me :D ) thinks a certain Mullah needs a sense of humor. Or a parody of a song by the Who.

Next week, the quest continues at Confessions of a Political Junkie.

Thank You's

Many thanks to Bigwig & the gang at Silflay Hraka for giving me this opportunity to host COTV, and to the folks at Square for creating the first, and still the best, RPG ever made! (P.S. Please don't sue me!)

[Music: Final Fantasy - Main Theme]

COTV #85 Update: The Little Blog Posts That Could

UPDATE 9:08 AM: COTV #85 goes live with the hour. And I'm still accepting entries up until then.

The Carnival will be up between 9 and 10 AM EST tomorrow. That's as far as I can drag this out...

If you're just checking in one last time before y'alls hit the sack, we're at 20 entries and counting. Good, but not good enough.

How do I know that's not good enough?

Simple. Because I know that every blogger, like me, has one entry buried deep in his weekly archives. An entry crying out to be heard 'round the world...

"Oh master! Please post me to COTV #85 at Thief's Den! I know I may be a little long, or far too short, or a little quirky, or too obscure, or have a few spelling errors that haven't been fixed, or a little rough around the edges, or you may have been drunk when you created me... but I'm still special! I'm unique! I've got a point that hasn't been made, and I want to be HEARD!!!! I'll bring you traffic, I'll take you up a notch of existence! I'll bring you trackbacks and commenters and permalinks on some of the biggest blogrolls in town! Heck, who knows, you might get noticed by the BlogFather...wouldn't that be something! One post could make you a star!!!

"Put me in the game, coach. I can do it!"

You wouldn't refuse something with as much spunk as that little post has, right?

Give it a chance. Let it fulfill its tiny little dream.

Send it to thief[at]thiefsden[dot]net. Operators are standing by. Let those two minutes of your blogging life mean something.

The Lesser of Two Jackasses

Arlington and Alexandria are great places, don't get me wrong. But do we really need this jerk as our congressman?

After 25 years in public life in Northern Virginia and on Capitol Hill, it has come to this awkward estrangement at home for Moran. Flush with the advantages of incumbency, and heading a disciplined army of party activists, Moran, 58, still worries whether voters will turn a final, cold shoulder to him after a string of polarizing controversies capped by a feud with American Jewish political leaders.

Five weeks from Tuesday, Moran will face the first, intraparty challenge of his career, in Alexandria lawyer Andrew M. Rosenberg. The June 8 Democratic primary is tantamount to election in Virginia's liberal 8th District, which spans Alexandria and Arlington County and includes a Fairfax County spur to Reston.

Yeah yeah, Rosenberg worked for the Hero of Chappaquiddick...then became both a lawyer AND a lobbyist. (What, was Satan running a "buy one, get one free" sale that day? ;) ) But at least he's never done anything as sand-poundingly asine or corrupt as Moran.

"This issue," which Moran seems not to tire of raising, stems from his quoted remark at an antiwar forum at the outset of the Iraq war in March 2003 that "if it were not for the strong support of the Jewish community for this war with Iraq, we would not be doing this..."

In office, Moran has been on the defensive for accepting, among other things, an unsecured $25,000 loan from a drug company lobbyist whose bill he supported and a $447,000 debt consolidation mortgage package he received from a credit card giant whose legislation he carried.

Rosenberg, in contrast, actually seems like a genuine nice guy. Liberal, yes, but still nice.

"I'm running to offer voters the choice of someone who votes the right way, and also demonstrates sound judgment. They want to be represented by somebody they respect and somebody who brings new energy and ideas -- who works hard, who stands up for the right thing, but who also earns the respect of his colleagues."

Hence, as the lesser of two jackasses, he gets my vote.

By the way, anyone else who suggests that the 17th Amendment should be repealed and the Senate elected by the state legislatures is wrong. Having three directly accountable representatives (2 Senators + 1 Representative) ensures that you have a very good chance of having one person in Washington with a connection to reality. (In my case, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.)

COTV #85 Update

16 and counting. Keep 'em coming! Don't worry about the time, I'm taking submissions 'till the cows come home!

E-mail: thief[at]thiefsden[dot]net.

P.S. Trackback pings would be helpful, so send those along, too.

Diplomatic Immunity =/= Moral Authority

This sickening story in the WaPo today:

And you won't believe who's doing this. The same clique of diplomats who constantly harangue the U.S. over our "human rights record."

Alexandra Santacruz pressed up to the kitchen window on a recent spring night and peered anxiously down the street. She had done everything she could to get ready, tying her belongings neatly into four plastic bags and hiding them in the trash bin outside the Falls Church townhouse.

Just past 8 p.m., two hours after Santacruz began her vigil, a maroon van eased to a stop in front. Its passengers stepped out to begin their work: They were there to rescue her. The 24-year-old was desperate to leave her job as a live-in nanny, but her employers had threatened to call police if she did.

Two lawyers from CASA of Maryland, a workers' rights group, knocked on the door and confronted her stunned employer. They had become practiced at this exchange, now a common part of their jobs, and they were prepared for the accusations and denials that followed.

In minutes, Santacruz bounded out of the house, an enormous stuffed dog in her arms. "Estoy feliz!" she shouted. "I'm so happy."

For nearly two years, she had worked 80-hour weeks cooking, cleaning and baby-sitting for an Ecuadoran official of the Organization of American States. For that, her attorneys said, she was paid little more than $2 an hour. She had worked for the same family in Ecuador, but since arriving, she said, her employer had taken her passport, she had no money and she was afraid that if she left, she would lose her visa and police would come for her...

In cases like Santacruz's, the workers suffer years of exploitation. In others, they are victims of trafficking, forced to become modern-day slaves...

Santacruz's employer, Efrain Baus, first secretary at the same mission to the OAS, refused to comment. His attorney, Samuel G. McTyre, in a recent letter to Glasberg, said Baus and his wife would be "very likely" to settle the dispute if it could remain private. He noted that the couple was surprised by Santacruz's claim and that "she knew the terms and conditions of her employment . . . and agreed to them without any complaint for nearly two years." He specifically denied that they have her passport.

Because the stakes are so high, advocates say, domestic workers are often pressured not to seek redress. The letter from Baus's attorney, for example, mentions that Santacruz's claim "may or may not" affect her relatives' jobs with Baus's family and friends in Ecuador.

Slaves. Here. In the U.S. of A. Owned by the very same diplomats who make their bread pissing and moaning over the way we treat a bunch of psycho jihadis at Guantanamo Bay.

Hey! Pop Quiz, Jackasses! Identify the source of this quote:

"No person shall be held in slavery or involuntary servitude. Slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms."

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? OK...it's Article 4 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

What's that, I hear? It's a non-self-executing treaty? OK, then, how about this one:

"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."

Yup. It's the 13th Amendment...and if you ask me, it needs to be self-executed all over your sorry asses. I'm talking PERSONA. NON. GRATA. Why? Oh, I dunno...sh*t like this, perhaps?

It was a good Samaritan who brought Kurinah Muka to Zarembka and Break the Chain.

Muka had been a live-in maid at an Alexandria high-rise, her days at once tedious and cruel. She was kicked by the woman who employed her, forced to work 19-hour days and allowed to eat only the food that others rejected, she said. For nearly two months of work, she said, she was never paid. Muka described her ordeal in a written statement to immigration officials, who later investigated and said witnesses corroborated her account.

She came from a poor farming village in Indonesia. Her husband's monthly income as a truck driver was about $75. She earned 70 cents a day working on a rice farm.

When a recruiter from an employment agency showed up in September 1999 looking for maids for foreigners, Muka signed up, leaving behind her two young children.

For three months, she said, she and about 300 other women were held in a camp, with guards at the door to prevent them from leaving. They slept in rooms of 20 women, were taught Arabic vocabulary for cooking and cleaning and told to obey employers. She said she was forced to sign a contract promising her $800 a month, although she was told her real earnings would be $200 to $300.

When she arrived at Dulles International Airport in 2000, she was met by her employer, a diplomat at the United Arab Emirates Embassy in Washington. He told Muka she would be working for a woman who called herself Princess Halla, who later told Muka that the diplomat was the father of her 5-year-old boy and 8-month-old daughter, Muka said.

"My life was misery working for Halla," wrote Muka, who worked from 5 a.m. to 1 a.m. every day.

Halla forbade Muka from bathing because "she did not want my germs in the shower," Muka wrote. Halla often slapped her and kicked her while wearing boots and shoes.

Once, Halla noticed a scratch on the baby's nose. "She pulled a knife out of the drawer and demonstrated pulling the knife across her throat as if to slice it," Muka wrote. "While she was doing this, she looked at me and said that if a scratch occurred again, she would kill me."

Halla confiscated her passport and told her "bad people" would hurt her if she ever left, according to Muka's statement. Muka said she imagined government officials tracking her down.

"I cried every night," said Muka, her face wet with tears as she recounted her story in self-taught English. "I'm praying five times a day."

The breaking point came when Halla "pull my hair, and that's when she scratch my arms and dig with her fingernails," drawing blood, Muka said.

A few days later, Muka fled to a nearby apartment building, where she sat in the lobby until a sympathetic tenant took her in. His daughter downloaded an Indonesian dictionary from the Internet so they could communicate. Break the Chain helped her obtain special immigration status as a victim of trafficking.

Department of Homeland Security immigration officials were able to track the diplomat, but he had returned to the United Arab Emirates, according to an investigator who said he was not authorized to be quoted by name. They could not locate Halla, who used several aliases, the investigator said. Abdulla Alsaboosi, a spokesman for the United Arab Emirates Embassy in Washington, said that the diplomat retired and that the embassy was unable to locate him. The Post was also unable to locate Halla or the diplomat.

Muka eventually found a one-bedroom apartment to share with three other Indonesian women and a job as a nanny for an American family. Under the terms of her visa, she is not allowed to leave the United States for another two years, so she calls her children every Saturday night.

Yeesh. And the world calls us barbarians.

Oh, yeah, before any internationalist dope raise the recent torture case in Iraq, make a note. The difference between us and them is that WE SEND PEOPLE WHO DO SH*T LIKE THIS TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS TO PRISON, INSTEAD OF GIVING THEM DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY. Case in point, from the same article, of what happens when a U.S. citizen, who does not have diplomatic immunity, tries it:

One couple, Louisa Satia and her husband, Kevin Nanji, were each sentenced by a federal judge in Greenbelt to nine years in prison for enslaving a 14-year-old Cameroonian girl in Silver Spring. The couple smuggled the girl into the United States in January 1997, according to court documents and interviews. They promised to send her to school in exchange for domestic work. Instead, she was forced to cook, care for the children and clean. For three years, she was never paid and never sent to school.

Contrast this with Iraq, where Saddam made his psycho older son Uday assistant to the Iraqi ambassador to Switzerland, only to have to take him back after the Swiss caught him threating to stab someone in a restaurant.

This angers me to no end. I'll let the Man provide the closing commentary:

"Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the splinter from your eye,' while the beam is still in your own eye? You hypocrite! Remove the wooden beam from your own eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye." -- Matthew 7:3-5 (NAB)

Tea Thought

"Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea." -- Henry Fielding

And I thought my preference for Sugar In The Raw was exotic....

Carnival #85 Update: Help!!!!

So I'm sitting here, sick, with body aches, a stuffed up head, and a throat so scratchy you could sharpen a pencil in it, when I notice the following:

As of this post, I have received a mere eight, yes, eight submissions for next week's COTV.

That's it. WOLves got 35 last week. Southern Musings got 48 before that.

People, I'm talking about a quest here. A quest to save the world from the throes of chaos and darkness. Will no one heed the call of the King? Will no one rise to restore the Earth to balance?

Or as I might say to John Kerry...

WHADDYA WAITING FOR, A FREAKIN' MEDAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Submit your entries for COTV to thief[at]thiefsden[dot]net by tomorrow, Monday night, May 3rd, 2004. (Don't worry about submitting things in the wee hours of the morning. The way this cold or whatever I have is going, I'll be up anyway...)

So thanks to those who already submitted. The rest of you, get your keyboards in gear, and get me your best work, ASAP.

Thief Out.

Ummmm....

Dude, it's called cleaning the browser cache. It ain't that hard.

Via Boing Boing,